Learning to listen

Today wasn’t a good day. There were many reasons that by 9.15am I was ready to go back to the bed I had only just emerged from. A combination of working 2 jobs, not eating as well as I should have been and the fall out from the Sunday 5k/Bolton adventure combined with having my card details stolen resulted in a meltdown – never a pretty sight and definitely not appropriate office behaviour. It wouldn’t be so bad if only I didn’t look so hideous when I cry. For those women who manage to cry elegantly PLEASE share your frickin’ secret…I just look like a tantrum throwing toddler.

I had good plans to go for my lunchtime toddle – these plans were sidelined after aforementioned meltdown and I had a nap instead. People have said that I could sleep on a knife edge. I have been known to fall asleep in a club (not drunk), at the side of a rugby pitch, in an MRI machine and now on the sofa at work while a game of ping pong is taking place with the TV on and people are eating lunch. I’m debating getting DNA tested to see if I’m part feline. I’m not a lunchtime napper (anymore) and I’d usually just plough on and crash out later. It would seem that I’ve ploughed as far as I can and I have crashed out early. Lesson learned? Stop trying to do it all, have a bit of perspective i.e. what is important and start to look after myself as I would look after someone else I loved.

I promised myself when I started running that I would look after my body a bit better than I had done in previous years. Somehow, that has fallen behind the sofa of life, along with the spare socks. I’d forgotten that looking after myself also includes the less tangible things in life: a walk home, good music (we’ll not debate how good, it is good to me), dinner that has been craved all day and finally cooked, the first spring flowers battling the winds and sunsets. I’ve been so busy always doing something (something = working) that all of the things I love I’d ignored and forgetten about.

The Stray at sunset

I came home tonight with two much neglected friends; resolve and strength – resolve to be kinder to myself and strength to listen to myself. To eat when I am hungry, to drink when I am thirsty and to rest when I am tired. How on earth can I give my all if only half of me is present? I cooked a chicken and mushroom stroganoff with spaghetti tonight. Mum had sent me a stroganoff mix in a “care package” and I’d been craving it for a while. They say cravings are the body’s way of telling you that it needs something…I clearly needed protein and carbs. I didn’t turn the television on but listened to Maroon 5 as I cooked and as I ate. Like I said, we’ll not debate my taste in music, not today anyway. Adam Levine…you have a whole street to apologise to – my singing is truly appalling.

The rest of my evening will be quiet, calm, watching Raymond Blanc cooking mouthwatering dishes and doing what I love: sewing. I do love learning a few lessons.

Homeward bound

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